Michael and I were very blessed to have our family over for the Easter Holiday.  We sat around the kitchen table talking to the teenagers about love and relationships, and we couldn’t help but include one very important fact, “You marry at the level of your self-esteem.”  I first heard this statement about two years ago, and the words were so powerful, they are forever cemented to my brain.

I’m not going to spend a great deal of time writing about this, but I think this point is crucial and pivotal when assessing a mate, especially with the current trends and statistics.  Our young ladies are settling, and because of this, many of our young men are not pressed to STEP-IT-UP.  I think every young person should be aware of this fact, and understand the importance of valuing self to the point of refusing to settle for anyone who does not meet the standards set by them, but more importantly, the ones set by God.  Our daughters need to be confident in telling a “BUSTER” to move on, and our sons need to be held accountable for their actions as well as their choices. 

For some reasons, young women of today are convincing themselves that certain things are “okay.”  For instance, it’s okay if he doesn’t want to go to college, it’s okay if he doesn’t have a job and plays video games all day, it’s okay if he wears his pants below his butt, it’s okay if he has two or three baby mamas, and the list goes on and on.  Our daughters must understand some things are NOT okay, especially if they desire a certain level of peace, happiness, and security.  In addition, our sons must understand to respect and honor the expectation to provide and protect his family, and we as parents must take the responsibility of rearing boys who are ready and capable to meet these demands.  It is difficult to maintain a quality work ethic as a man if you were never required to do so as a boy.

I read an article a few months ago that identified my generation as the first generation that will not surpass the success and prosperity of the previous generations.  In other words, children are no longer growing up to live better and become more successful than their parents.  Instead, many are financially dependent on their parents, and many grandparents are rearing grandchildren.  I believe choice of mate is definitely one of the many issues connected to this epidemic.

So starting today, help your daughter outline some standards for considering a mate, and require your sons to embrace the qualities of a real man!  And if you know your battle with low self-esteem impacted your choice (and your life), be transparent with your children and share your story in hopes of impacting their future.

Peace and Blessings,

Mama Tameka